


Guilt

by abetternameneeded



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abetternameneeded/pseuds/abetternameneeded
Summary: Wish!Hook likes the guilt, it makes him feel closer to Alice.
Relationships: Alice | Tilly & Wishverse Captain Hook | Detective Rogers
Kudos: 3





	Guilt

Killian Jones stared at the ocean as the waves crashed against the shore, the tide stedialy rising toward where he was sitting. He stared at the words written on a page. All he had of his young daugter. She wasn't so young any more, he reminded himself. She had met a girl, a girl that she didn't get to introduce him to. He had already met the girl. She was a nice lass, giving both he and Alice a priceless gift before even knowing them that well. But he wished he could see Alice's face and hear her voice as she told him about Robin. All he had were words on a bloody page. He wanted more. He knew he couldn't have it. Couldn't get close enough to really see her face. Couldn't get close enough to hear her voice. But she sounded happy. As happy as one could sound when the information was carried through ink blots on a page. He read the letter again.

You know Robin she had written. Yes he knew her. Of course he did. And those words hurt. Alice hadn't meant to hurt him. She was a gentle soul. She is a gentle soul, he corrected himself. His daughter wasn't bloody dead. She was the same person. Gods he hoped she was still a good person.

More guilt for the fact his pride had cost him his daughter surfaced. He felt the guilt in his chest, his whole body felt it. He heard a noise that wasn't the steady crashing and receding of the waves.

"Alice?" he questioned. He knew it wasn't her. It was never her. This pain in his heart was so mild. He could barely feel it if he was comparing it to the excrutiating pain her being near him sent his body into. He couldn't just sit next to his daughter. Couldn't just talk to her like any other papa. As much as he wanted to, that would be a death sentance; but he desperatley wanted to see her. To talk to her. To hear everything she had to say while they played a game. He held a small black rook and rolled it around in his hands. So he sat with the guilt and said the words out loud as he wrote back. He didn't want to the pain to go away. It was the closest feeling he had to seeing his daughter. He just wanted Alice. His little Starfish. His rook. His entire world. She wasn't gone but it felt like she was worlds away. And sometimes she was. But he couldn't get close enough. Gods he wished he could.

He had to get back to camp. He carefully folded the letter and put it away for safekeeping. He kept every letter she wrote to him. He'd reread them whenever the pain of missing her became too much. Sometimes they only made him miss her more, and sometimes they made him feel like at least he knew she was safe. Or as safe as Alice could be. He worried but the letters were one of the only two things he had of his daughter. So he would read them again and again and let the guilt take over his entire body. And as it did he'd write her a letter, the pain of the guilt for his biggest regret he had allowing him to feel like he was actually talking to her and not just scribbling with ink on a page and waiting for days for an answer. It was as close as they could get for now, and he had to live with that.


End file.
